Alex Wheatley
About Alexander Theodore Wheatley is somebody who could once have been described as fresh-faced. He has no idea what he's doing 60% of the time and is more awkward than something really awkward; but at least he can run a detective agency of some description with varying degrees of success. He's very much a wimp and something of a coward; but he's learning - unless it evolves being a kind, caring and sensitive human being, a department he's not entirely well-versed in. Despite this, Wheatley makes frequent use of his self-described 'scathing wit', known to everyone else as 'annoying and out-of-place sentences that make little to no sense', and has a habit of making terrible jokes for the amusement of nobody other than himself. Curiously, he gets on well with most people. On an average Saturday evening he can be found playing Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons with himself or possibly Larry, but even Larry has better things to do with his time. Failing that, he'll be watching Ducktective reruns and sobbing at the series finale, or, though this is incredibly unlikely, actually trying to solve a case, on the off-chance that he actually has one. Wheatley has an irrational phobia of aerosol deodorant ever since he accidentally sprayed it in his eye aged 13 and went blind for a week. Appearance A mess. It is long-speculated that Wheatley does not own a comb or has no idea how to use one, because more often than not he has the appearance of somebody who fell down a hill backwards and was then electrocuted, resulting in an explosion of dark blonde hair that has not been touched in days. He's somewhat pale, has green eyes frequently accompanied by noticeable bags and is short but skinny, with a thoroughly unremarkable face. A favourite outfit of his is a horizontally-striped green and dark green shirt accompanied by a knitted navy cardigan and pale blue scarf which has probably never been washed. If he could be bothered to change it regularly, he would; unfortunately he is frequently struck by horrific cases of rampant apathy and so the thought rarely occurs to him. History Wheatley was born in 1992, had no idea what he was doing then and even less now. After receving word that his grandfather, Douglas Wheatley, had passed away, Wheatley was sent to the sleepy English town of Valewood to sort out the legal issues surrounding his will; as everybody else was otherwise engaged. Shortly after several surprise encounters confirming the town's title as 'Paranormal Capital of the UK' as quite a lot more than just tourist fodder, Wheatley learned that the newspaper business his grandfather owned had been passed down to him. Eventually having recovered from this, he went on to learn that his grandfather's business was little more than a cover for a pretty intense line of supernatural research and having learned about the town's stranger side, Wheatley decided to drop the facade and convert the building into a full-time Detective Agency. This, he later reports, was his worst decision yet. He has a particularly complicated history in Valewood, and been on numerous adventures but never having actually solved any cases. Really, he went and checked once. Occasional grants from the town's first mayor were common when the Agency saved the city frequently, but things dried up and the town's new mayor is less eager to throw money at Wheatley and his employees. Time around Wheatley has been fractured and distorted so much by various parties that it would be difficult to give a linear summary of everything he has experienced, but recently he discovered a strange, ancient puzzle box in a cupboard at Darkstone Manor. From there, he ventured into the mind of May Kasura to prevent the Neva Spirit from getting his hands on information he once stored there and did battle with the dream demon Bill Cipher. Shortly after, he decided to try and solve the puzzle box once and for all in an effort to impress Ford Pines. Bill offered him a deal and despite his better judgement Wheatley eventually relented, then after being used as a human puppet discovered that Bill wanted to open the box and unleash the apocalyptic nightmare rift contained within. Wheatley then worked with Ford to retrieve a Vander PMC NULL Field to shield the Detective Agency from Bill's trickery. In the process, he came across May, who had been possessed by the First Evil and fought her, somehow absorbing the determination of the entire world to do so in a move that nearly killed him. Following this, he was pleased to learnt that the rest of the Agency crew had retrieved the NULL Field for him. However, several weeks afterwards, with the puzzle box securely locked up in the Agency's basement, Wheatley and Ford set off on a joint mission to investigate the Cybership buried under the town. Ford offered Wheatley the chance to move to Gravity Falls and continue his paranormal research, which Wheatley gladly accepted after saving the scientist's life. However, on returning to the Agency to pack, Wheatley discovered Wyatt's criminal double-life and after a row, was horrified to witness Wyatt stealing the puzzle box out of spite. Bill, possessing Rick Sanchez, tricked Wyatt into handing over the puzzle box and promptly started the apocalypse, a nightmare event referred to as Weirdmageddon by Ford and Bizarremageddon by Wheatley, who thinks he knows more than the man who has experienced such an apocalypse beforehand. Relationships Wyatt Riler Wheatley's assistant detective and previously paperboy for Douglas, Wyatt Riler was at one point the boy-assistant trope incarnate. The two of them get on pretty well and have done for several years, but Wheatley is slightly disgruntled by the detective's attitude and demeanour on more than one occasion; and has he gotten worse since his holiday? Unbeknownst to Wheatley, Wyatt has found his life spiralling out of control and found himself comitting bank heists, making his own drugs and kidnapping people. Needless to say, if Wheatley were ever to find out about this, it would not end well. Moe Syzlak Moe doesn't work at the DA and wants to, despite owning sixteen different international corporations and being literally the richest person Wheatley knows. This baffles him, but Moe is an alright person, he supposes, although he could stand to brag less about his considerable wealth and the giant mansion at the edge of town. Plus, his rivalry with Wyatt needs to stop before it gets somebody killed or, say, prevents them from stopping a mad triangular demon in the future. May Kasura May's first meeting with Wheatley resulted in her trying to kill him. She was something of a psychopath and worshipped a whiff of purple smoke named Neva but has since recovered somewhat, and ended up Wheatley's secretary in a spectacular twist of fate. Nobody is quite sure how it happened; not even Wheatley. They are unlikely friends; even more unlikely in the aborted timeline in which May was possessed by an ancient evil and shot Wheatley through the head. It's a long story and nobody is sure of the details. The Doctor A time-travelling, powerful alien that looks like an angry old man with scary eyebrows; Wheatley will probably never get used to the Doctor's surprising presence or bigger-on-the-inside time machine. Nonetheless, they get on alright, and the TARDIS is a decent method of travel even if it is somewhat cheating. Plus, the Doctor has a habit of stepping in at the last moment to save the day, and that's always helpful for somebody like Wheatley, who finds particular difficulty in ever actually managing to save the day. Papyrus Part of an altogether larger story which Wheatley always intends to tell but never quite gets around to it, Papyrus is a skeleton from a sealed-away world called the Underground which Wheatley accidentally liberated after falling in one time. He's excitable, innocent, and somewhat full of himself, although not to a degree that anybody would find him unlikable - except perhaps Wyatt, but that's also a long story. Wheatley and Papyrus are good friends - how can you not be after liberating an entire race? Ford Pines Wheatley's science idol. Stanford Filbrick Pines has an entirely different story to tell, but is, curiously, the sanest person Wheatley knows despite having been stranded in a hell dimension for thirty years and tormented by a mad triangular demon. Plus, he knows a lot about science and cool technology and is offering Wheatley a position as a detective in his home town of Gravity Falls. Fortunately, everybody should be on board with that one, right? Rick Sanchez Wheatley doesn't really know this guy, but he seems to be an angrier, more alcoholic version of Ford with typically scientist hair, and also does science things to something of a greater degree. However, he's infinitely less likeable and seems to hate Wyatt for no adequately-explored reason, so Wheatley finds him slightly difficult to get on with. Perhaps if he had less of a callous disregard for safety in any way, shape or form, they might be better friends. Gralex A space robot of some kind, Gralex crashed in Big Nose Falls and has hung around ever since. He's something of a space renegade and Wheatley has an issue with those, but if on his good side, Gralex is a great ally. Nobody really wants to think about what happens to those on his bad side, but Wheatley's first experience of the guy was being burgled by him, so he has a somewhat underlying suspicion - but then, he has those about everybody, so it's alright, really. Thorn Houlton Wheatley has literally no idea about this guy's past, but he just sort of turned up one day and had the perfect qualifications to become an intern, so he did. The guy is sane - always a winning trait in a friend of Wheatley's - makes good sandwiches, and has enough computer skills to keep the DA's Tumblr account looking cool, even if nobody ever touches it or does anything with it. As a result, Wheatley and Thorn are good friends, although they barely know each other. Darwin Arcadilum A time-travelling cat. Wheatley's first experience of the paranormal, Darwin Arcadilum is from the same planet as the Doctor but slightly more interesting, and is frequently mixed up in extraterrestrial hijinks which Wheatley would like nothing to do with but finds himself embroiled in anyway. Wheatley initially had his suspicions, but Darwin has proved himself multiple times since then and is also capable of fixing the boiler when the next ultimate evil breaks into the house for no adequately explored reason, so has an advantage over most. Shiki Scarlet A crazed, time-corrupting vampire who at one point turned him into a brainwashed clone of her, Wheatley has his doubts about Shiki and rightfully so. He could perhaps stand to be a little less paranoid, but at least with Shiki, he has his reasons. Still, she's probably on the side of the good guys now, Wheatley has never paid enough attention to be sure. Peridot A tall, angry, green alien comprised of a light-based entity originating from a Peridot gemstone, Wheatley first met Peridot as a result of her spaceship crash in the mountains around Valewood several months ago, as she was the only survivor. Excited to have a secret extraterrestrial friend, Wheatley got a bit carried away and failed to notice how the alien was working for a fascist alien government, and was somehow surprised when she abandoned him on an extraterrestrial communications rig in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Even so, she seems to have returned to Big Nose Falls for a reason; although Wheatley has yet to discover what exactly it is. Category:Characters